I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
