He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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