Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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