he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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