I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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