Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
