I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
