Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Randomize
