btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
