I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
