I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
