Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
It's just like the Real World with babies
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
