I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
