i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Randomize
