All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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