you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We need to get me chipped asap
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
