I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize