Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
