If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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