Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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