There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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