Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
my liver is dry heaving
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