So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
