you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
