i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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