the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
