He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
