How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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