i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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