Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
