Everything about him screamed your future.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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