toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
