I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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