Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
