flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
