Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
