I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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