this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
