After last night, I could never be a politician.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
