Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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