Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
