Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
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Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
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Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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