I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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