we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
