you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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