If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
