hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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