When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
