I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
