I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
