I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
