Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
