Pappa wants mamma naked
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
We had sex on a dog bed..
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Sext me about skeletons
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
