so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Randomize
