Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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