Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
