I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
