I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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