idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
