We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Randomize
