I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
