It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
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It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
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You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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