Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
