I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
