Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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