she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
