It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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