when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
PS: I just woke up from my shower
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
