Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
