Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
