just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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