Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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