I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
