U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
honey bunches of taint.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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