I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
